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Saturday, April 14, 2007
friday, 3am, bottom of a bottle
in between 20 and 21
happy and miserable
lucky and fucked
here and there
impatient and lazy
.........
my stuttering/blocking is horrible
i am extremely burned out on school. i would take a break or change majors if it werent for the damn be on time loan.
I enjoy my job (for the most part) but i deserve better employers.
im impatient... i want to master many instruments and musics and recording, and it pisses me off that i dont have the time to do it right now.
here is my current situation:
cody is out of town, i am in town (rare). i got off work at 2. i want to see people, meet people, do something..... IF i were allowed to do any of the above, the only people i could call would be steve and pablo (moving into a house with them real soon)........ they're not doing anything.
i have no friends, but i want them. i have no freedom, but i want it.
i enjoy the comfort, the sex, the convenience, the love, the companion, of cody........
BUT it limits my musical growth and my meeting of people (both of which are essential to my 'career')
the latter is more important RIGHT NOW
the former seems to be the more important in 'the long run'
is there someone else who is both
if you find one, do you make it work both ways (possible?)?
would i really be more happy [creative, free, etc] without cody?
can i ever really be happy [creative, free, etc] with cody?
inventory of friends:
LOST:
jacob weems
dane morris
john boiles
emily bates
matt bierschenk
michael sanchez
emily morris
mika rawlinson (see previous blogs... wtf)
college friends?
GAINED:
stephen lachance
pablo burrull
tarun krishnan?
paulo castillo
mike?
scott ward
brian hutton
and WHY, to all these....? alot relate to the previous issue.................?
what a wierd place to be.
2:38 AM
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