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Saturday, October 19, 2002
Well it's Friday nite, actually Saturday morn and Mika has been here for a while.... and we still haven't found more than 5 minutes alone to talk... but we did try to talk tonite. It wasn't extremely wierd to see her, she does look a tiny bit different though. There's something about her though, maybe its the hair? eyes? everything? that just makes me think that she is and always will be mine! But she's not! And now she probably won't ever be again, and I'm sad! Can you imagine how confused (and scared) I was when I got off the field after half time and saw Amy and Mika talking (and smiling)...? yeah... I think they must be plotting against me... Now, according to Emily "I have neither of them"... great.... that sure does make my life easier, but still..... happy? no. I really want someone to tell me what the hell is going on. So here is where the bullshit begins: Today I hear from Mika that [according to Amy] me and Mika were pretty much completely over/broken up "one week after Mika left". NO! Truth: I still liked Mika, but wasn't completely commited to her (and vice versa), so in my mind I was "single" (although I liked Mika) but not looking for a relationship at all. I was NOT INTERESTED IN AMY a week after Mika left. Not even a month! So, Mika also gave me the impression that "we never broke up". What the DAC?!?!?!?! If we didn't break up when she left (which is completely questionable) then I KNOW we broke up when I got pissed at her for finding out lots of stuff she did that I hadn't known about (see my first blog)..... she even said so! That last sentence is exactly what Mika told me few weeks ago! So now she is saying that I was never single enough to have the right to go out with Amy? NO! I have done nothing wrong, I have every right to do what I have done. Even though I understand a little of Mika's angriness (for "hooking up" with her "friend" after denying that anything was going on between us). When I did get involved with Amy was a week after I decided that I hated Mika and was mad at her and wanted to be over her, and I still hadn't talked to Mika since our "bad" conversation where everything exploded. Man, I will always love Mika, no matter how much I hate her... if that makes any sense....
Anyways, the point is........ well, there is no point, I'm just venting. Patrick and Michael were here for a few hours, just listening to me complain, and be confused and freak out.... but whatever... Patrick knows what's up. And Michael is caught in the middle of it all somehow... stupid. Oh, on top of the rest of my wonderful nite, RyanMorton pulls out a movie for us to watch here, and my Dad refuses to let us watch it because it's rated R. For language; language only! I'm 16! Damnit! If there is ANY possible way for him to ruin my fun, he will find it! Never fails! But what makes me more mad, is that he has to ruin everyone else's evenings too. So, I hope my friends hate him too now.
I don't have time to update on Rosa.... some other time..... and I still don't know what is going to happen. I'm just ready to be thru with it! I can't handle any more. Really. Nada mas. (I was refering mainly to Mika/Amy but I guess Rosa too) I'm so tempted to give up! I just want to tell them both to shut up, apologize, and then go bury myself alive, and never think about it again. I want to start over! Why Nacogdoches, I can't take anymore! Here's my utopia: I would be completely happy with somebody (such as Rosa), not even knowing any other female exists (such as Mika), I would play my guitar all day long, completely free of writer's block, and I would be completely immersed in music and a perfect woman (if that exists). I would also have a really good band that really understands me. I swear there is no talent left in Nacogdoches. Oh - and I would eat Schlotzsky's, Cream Soda, and tons of popsicles all the time.
So. I have to take my sister to the homecoming parade in about 6 hours... then I have to be there by 11.... bedtime? ithinkso
3:33 AM
Tuesday, October 15, 2002
Man, where the heck did I get that stupid "polar bear in Miami" thing??? I'm losing it!
Mika will be here tomorrow! Who knows what will happen.... I'm sure you all will know in a few days, if I ever find time to blog again.
Oh, and thanks Emily for the advice! Moist cake??? Don't wanna know...
Oh and by the way.... I think Rosa wants me.... No, I KNOW that Rosa wants me...
...just have to keep telling myself that!......
10:05 PM
Sunday, October 13, 2002
Well, it sure has been a while. And a whole lot has been going on. First of all, me and Mika are speaking again. Very much. Who would have thunk it? Not me!!! It's very wierd, but we got past all the crap, forgot about most of it, and are now and another awkward not sure about the future and how we feel stage (Mr. Awk....?). Ahh.... I don't know what I'm doing....
Whoa, wierd conversation with Kendra after the game the other nite! Which, by the way, I did get grounded for coming home after 1am and not calling... ohwell! Mostly about her and Jacob, most of it didn't even pertain to us, which is wierd... but nothing is going on there.... that's what we decided after an hour and a half... but it's still pretty wierd... I feel so terrible when we flirt because I knew her boyfriend really well before he moved, and they are still going out....
You know who's really wierd? No, you probably don't unless you work at Schlotzsky's. El se llama Kenneth! Dang, he's annoying... he feels compelled to read every sandwich ticket out like he's the announcer at a Pro Bowling match... "We've got a regular Original with no onioooooooonsssss!!!!!!!!!" gah!
Ok, I have a problem, this Rosa thing is NOT getting any better! If anything it is worse, because now on top of being hotter than a polar bear in Miami, I have gotten to know her, and she's very nice too. Hahaha, she hurt Lindsey somehow in the stands at the football game, and she felt so bad she started crying! Man, I wanted to cry too...
Note to self: Don't "casually date" someone that is obsessed with you, when you only like them a little bit. Tyler just got himself into a big pickle whose name rhymes with Shmamy.
Alright, must go to church now, to overthrow the rascally junior high... the high school is rallying, because we're sick of being outnumbered by munchkins.
Hasta luego
5:04 PM
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